How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Oct 25, 2015

Back in the Saddle, Maybe

It's been a while I know. I even considered abandoning this all together.

My reason is multifaceted, and hard to explain.

Mostly, it boils down to pain.

I had no idea that constant, unrelenting pain could actually affect my thinking process, but it did, and does.

See, back at the end of July, my left knee began to hurt more at work. My right knee has always given me trouble since I bent it about 5 or 10 degrees in the opposite direction from the way it's supposed to bend. It involved two rowdy kids, two awkward bags of groceries, and ice.

Anyway, the left knee has always been the good knee til this summer.

This nagging, constant ache soon had me limping most of the time.

One Thursday as I was getting rid of my trash from breakfast, getting ready to clock in at work, the knee sort of collapsed on me.

I caught myself, hanging onto the trash container, knowing there was no way I could walk anywhere.

A little drama, and an ambulance ride, and a nice visit to the ER produced diddly squat.

They X rayed, ultrasounded, and found nothing.

I was given crutches, pain meds, and sent on my way.

I never mastered the crutches, so my girl brat bought me one of those old lady 4 pronged canes.

I was off work for a week.

The pain subsided as long as I leaned on the cane. I took the cane to work with me. I also invested in a pad to stand on while working.

After a month of coming home and eating ibuprofin like M & Ms, I came home one day, sat on the side of my bed, and cried at just the idea of trying to change out of work clothes and shoes.

My husband happened to be in off the road, and took me to a local urgent care office.

This time, I got answers.


I got a steroid shot, a pain meds shot, and a prescription for two steroids.

The pain slacked off some, to at least where I can deal with it.

I have resigned myself to a life with a nagging pain for the time being.

There are days when it doesn't hurt much at all, but it still feels a bit funky.

I have to remind myself to bend the knee at times, and not walk all stiff legged like old Festus on Gunsmoke.

Long periods of sitting with it bent, say in a car ride, makes it feel as if there's something tearing in the knee.

I've noticed in the past week or so that the hip joint is now affected by the way I walk.

I am trying to deal.

It's not an easy thing to come to terms with the fact that my body is betraying me.

Getting old sucks.

Anyway, There are days when all I can do is the bare minimum. Just trying to make sure I have my shoes on the correct feet, and that they match, is a chore. Thinking makes me tired.

I'm glad so much of my job doesn't require a lot of thought, or I would be in big trouble.

Standing for all the work shift is enough to deal with as it is.

But, my boss, kind soul that she is, let's me sit for some of my work. I was told that as long as the work gets done, I could be standing on my head for all they care.

So, I do my job, I come home, I eat some more ibu, and I prop up my feet.

The right knee is beginning to hurt as well, under the strain of taking most of the weight.

Life goes on.

I am learning to live with a physical pain that comes and goes at times, and sometimes wakes me in the night. It's become a part of me as much as my hair or my height.

It's something to learn to live with until I find a way change it if I can.

Accepting instead of fighting, this new part of me seems to have changed something inside me.

In accepting, part of me seems to be awaking, part of me that the past few months slept as I struggled.

I'll figure it out.


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