How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Sep 7, 2014

Life Moves On

I have spent so much time whining, and wallowing, and being angry,

I almost lost touch with how far I have come in this journey to feeling whole. I am not at the lemons to lemonade thing, and doubt I will ever really get to that place, but at least the whole freezing those damned lemons life hands me and throwing them at folks has lost a little of it's appeal.

Life goes on, and so must I.

Today is my mom's birthday. I won't give away her age, she'd beat me senseless if I did, but let's just say next year is a milestone year.

I never realized what a glorious, wonderful, strong person my mom was, and is, as a child. She was just 'Mama.' I didn't realize, she was really still growing up as she was struggling to raise me. I just knew I was fed and clothed, and loved. It never dawned on me until I had my son just how hard that must have been for her. Even then, I don't think I appreciated her like I should have.

Now, as I have watched my own babies become teenagers, then adults, and now my son a parent, I see just how tough my mom really was, and is. She is a miraculous creature of beauty and courage in the midst of a world that doesn't deserve such.

My mom was just a kid when I was born. My grandson's mother is only 2 years older than my mom was, and I see the same strength in that young woman that I now see my mom possessed. Some young women walk away from their children at that age, scared and not understanding the real work a child is until that child is there crying and demanding most of their time and energy.

I was 24 then turned 25 after my son was born, and even at that age, was sure I was not ready to be a mom. Yet, it was no struggle to realize that I had to be there all the time. This little person was my responsibility. He depended on me for everything. At 25, that was very hard. I can not even imagine how much harder it is for one who has not even left their teens.

My mom gave me so much at a time when she should have been out running around raising hell with her friends. I see my grandson's mom making those same sacrifices, with out complaint. I am in awe of her.

It has humbled me to see what this young woman has allowed her body to go through to bring this little being into the world, and then watch her deal with his needs with a smile.

Sure, there were times with my own kids that I felt like I was missing out on things, and I am sure my grandson's mom feels that as well, but I knew my babies were worth my time, and I think she feels the same way. My mom must have as well, or I would not be here.

I know I think he is worth my own time to give her a break now and then, less than I would like, actually. I would gladly be with that little guy every evening if his mom wanted, every afternoon. Heck, I'd quit my job if she needed me to watch him... okay maybe not QUITE, but I only work 4 hours, so that gives 20 that I could watch him if need be.

I had a good example to learn that it's worth the sacrifice: my mom.

My point is, I think there is something in most women that only comes out when they become mothers, and grandmothers. I have a love for my grandson that is so powerful, so intense, the same as I had, and have, for my kids. I see it on my grandson's mom's face.

And, I realize, I saw it on my own mom's face as a child. I never realized just how much my mom loved me. I was a lousy kid not to appreciate that when I was young.

What is this mysterious part of some women that comes with motherhood?

Words really can not define it. Strength, courage, fierce mother bear love that would kill for their child's safety without hesitation.

It's an incredible thing to see when it comes out of these marvelous beings.

And it doesn't always appear.

And sometimes it makes it's presence know in women who didn't give birth to the child they are raising.

I think I have that, maybe.

If I do, it is because I learned to allow it to come out, thanks to the examples of strong women in my life: My grandmother, who raised 7 tough, wonderful kids; My aunts have all been first rate examples of

that same power in all forms of motherhood; And, my mom.

I can never thank all these women for that lesson, but maybe I can show my mom how grateful I am for it. And, maybe, help pass it on when things get tough for that next generation that has entered my life.

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wee woman » 3 years ago

Something amazes me more is how those motherly instincts don't go away when they're grown. My heart strings still fill that tug when mine say " I love youm Momma". I inherited several children when Sherman and I married. They don't call me Mom , but, I still feel the pride of calling them mine. I've shared their joy, laughter, and yes even their tears. They are no less precious to me than my own and though them I gained a new title. .. Nanna....