How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up May 12, 2014

Three Days of Tears

It has been a wonderful weekend, but it didn't start that way.

Friday, my girl brat showed up at work to tell me that the ATM card would not work. At one point, I had to run for the restroom retching at the thought of the disasters we faced without that card working. It took over 10 hours(and yet again postponing my X rays and boob squashing) for the 'technical difficulties' message to disappear from the automated crap, and give me access to money.

On the up side, I did learn to pay my electric bill online.

Saturday, I worked, then headed home to get about as gussied up as I ever get for my niece's wedding. I have since flooded FB with photos of that lovely girl and her wonderful day. I cried at how lovely it all was, and that darling girl was breath taking. It was a beautiful ceremony, and a wonderful time with loved ones.

Then, today, I planned a nice, quiet Mother's Day. I had mentioned, however, that my BFF was visiting her aunt in Cherokee, Alabama. My fabulous brat decided that we just had to go down, after she finished work.

The drive down was a great time with my girl. Okay, I like Five Finger Fist Punch now.

Hanging out with the BFF at any time is precious time to me. As we have grown, er, more mature, I think she has actually gotten crazier, and I wouldn't have her any other way.

I wish I had more of her 'don't give a damn' attitude. Heaven knows it would make my inner peace much easier to obtain.

The drive home, the kid and I stopped for supper.

Funny, but for a second as we walked into the fast food chicken place, I could have sworn we were at home, just down the street and around the corner a bit. We joked about the weird feeling as apparently all those stores have exactly the same set up and fireplace.

We ate, and began the second leg of our trip home.

Then, just as I was drifting into my home sick feelings I always get when we leave Cherokee and head back here, the worst happened.

A song the girl had playing from her phone had me sobbing. Here I was, leaving the one place that feels the most like home, and suddenly I am reminded of my worst heartache...

My father.

The man has been gone from the earth for nearly 3 years, and his lack of affection for me can still be made acute by a simple, sweet song.

The words... could very well have been written just for me, and yet, it made me realize that there are many daughters out there who are 'Broken Angels' and not loved as they should be by one they call father.

Anyway, I got myself under control as my kid kept asking, "Mama, are you okay?" We talked a little. Well, I talked, she listened, and even had a few tears, hearing that her old mom still felt that pain.

I wonder if it will ever at least fade...

Anyway, I stick out my chin, square my shoulders, dab at my eyes in defiance and go on with what ever may come my way.

I guess I won't ever be described as a tough old bird like I sometimes wish for. I guess I was never made that way.

So, tears three days in a row, some happy, some sad, some angry. Over all, it was still a good weekend... I am still here, still smiling most of the time in all three days.

I guess that is a good sign.

Comments (1)

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wee woman » 4 years ago

Everything happens for a reason.... you know this. There was a reason why you weren't informed ( though from my stand point they are DICKS).

YOU pull up your big girl panties and carry on.... your time will come when you can give them a piece of your mind.... especially Elizabeth....she burns my ass.

Maybe this if giving you time to tell them what you rhink