How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Apr 7, 2014

Stress, And The Wise One

I was awake every two or three hours last night, finally staying up at 5 a.m.

All my stresses and worries seemed to be closing in on me from all directions until I was feeling like a huddled ball. I sat in the dark, smoking and crying. Unfortunately, the girl brat's alarm went off at 6, and I was no longer alone to wallow in my self appointed misery.

Of course, I spilled it all to the 21 year old who has no business listening to her mom winging and whining over the same old crap: bills, her father, her brother, the baby, the baby mama, doctor crap, etc...

Yet, the girl let me bawl and bitch.

When I had finally gotten it all out, and was drying up, the girl said the same things that the wise ones in my life keep telling me. You do what you can do, and let the rest go. So what if bill collectors are calling you at work? So what if they are threatening to garnish what little bit of pay you get? At least they will be getting paid, right?

What the hell is the use in sweating my ass off for minimum wage if it's only to hand it all over to the bills? Why am I having to deal with every joint, every bone in my feet hurting if I will have nothing to show for it but a bunch of over priced jerks paid?

Why did I even bother with the damned surgery to save my life if this is all my life is going to be?

It's a shitty situation all the way around, and I feel so alone in it all.

And then the girl, in her infinite wisdom comes back with what my BFF and the Punk always say. I expect such things from them. They are much wiser than I, smarter, and have dealt with life's bumps and bruises much better than I have.

So then, how is it that my 21 year old girl brat comes up with pretty much the same damned solutions?

Maybe it's just common sense. Heaven knows I lack a lot of that, and she, the BFF and the Punk have much more of it than I do.

Of course, there were her words as she went out the door...

"If I come home and find you still crying, I'm gonna wanna punch you in the throat!" Uh, yeah, okay...

Of course, she was grinning, so I know it's a joke, one of many not so pleasant images that she and her pals like to put out into the world.

She was outside, going to her car, when she yelled, "I love you!"

Okay, I guess that's a good reason to quit wishing I had just told the doctors, "Thanks, but no thanks" when they presented me with the only option to deal with the cancer, that wracked up about 20 grand I don't have...

I can think that it will be 20 years, give or take, of dealing with jerks with their hands in my wallet, or 20 years more of hearing the girl say those words and proving it every day...

Yeah, I guess it's worth sucking it up, doing what I can, and trying to find a way to let the rest go.

We'll see, I guess...

I love you, too, you little snot. Thanks...

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