How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Mar 9, 2014

So Many Things

I wish I could explain here what's going on in my life. The problem with that is, others are involved and it's complicated.

It's a constant struggle just to get up in the mornings. If it were not for work, and chatting with the Punk, some days, I wouldn't.

It's too much to handle alone, but I have few choices, and the ones I DO have would mean more upheaval that I don't feel strong enough to face. Most of them, my heart could not take.

I'll bounce back. I always do.

The Punk and the BFF know the issues, and when they read this, they will probably ream me for not talking to them about it more. (I figure the BFF will be on the phone 10 minutes after reading this) I know they care, that they have sound judgement, and want the best for me. I just feel that I burden them too much when they have their own lives to live and shouldn't have to worry about me.

I've been working about 6 months now, and thought I'd have more to show for it. Instead, my piddly little checks go toward surviving, not saving for those little things that I wanted, as was the plan.

I'm heartsick to watch my kids, knowing that what little I can do isn't enough.

I feel the old darkness that has never left grabbing a foothold, and am helpless to fight it right now.

On the upside, the 21 pounds I put back on are now slowly coming back off, but getting below that one big number seems almost impossible. The overeating has always been my 'comfort' when the darkness creeps in, and I allowed it to take over for a little while.

I am fighting back.

I will not give up.

But, damn, it's so hard sometimes.

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