How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Sep 9, 2013

5 A M

5 A M, and wide awake, heart pounding, stomach churning. Anxiety. Fears and worries out of control for no real reasons.

I spent part of Saturday with the BFF, her son, aunt and uncle. I also got to spend some time with another friend, the Feisty One, her daughter, mom, and darling little grand son. It was wonderful to get away, but being away from home means things didn't get done that I had planned to do.

Yesterday, I took a short walk, but for the most part, just read, got some things to continue the reclaiming of my home. Still, I accomplished little, and yet I was dog tired. I was in bed and asleep before 10.

I saw where a friend had posted how years of worry had her mom in the ER this weekend, discovering damage to her heart because of it all. My family has a history of heart problems already. What the hell am I doing to my own body with all this?

What's the use in trying to lose weight, stopping smoking, if the damage is continuing because my brain refuses to let go of what I do not control? Worse, what the hell is it that keeps me worrying constantly, but not doing things I CAN do and control?

If I could figure out those answers, I would be one of the most relaxed people on the planet, not wide awake, in the dark, with one of the Matrix flicks going.

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