How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Aug 25, 2013

Playing Catch Up

It's been a few days, and nothing spectacular, really, to write about. Just a little catching up, I guess.

It's been a long week. My slip back to smoking only lasted 4 days, which has me very grateful. I am 5 days completely tobacco free now, and am breathing better, and deeper, every day. Smells are changing, tastes are different. My stamina is still not up to what it was pre-surgery, but it seems to be slowly improving a bit. I would love to say I have quit, but I can only say, still, that I am trying. Yet, the trying is actually getting easier. The boy joining the cause, and no temptation of his pack lying around, just begging for me to sneak one, is helping as well. I look forward to the day I wake up and the word 'trying' has faded away. Keep your fingers crossed, say a prayer, do a dance, cast me a spell, what ever is your practice, to insure I stick with this not smoking biz this time. I survived a mini crisis this weekend with out a single puff, so someone is sending out positive something!

My darling girl brat actually walked with me this morning. I slept in yesterday, and didn't walk at all, so I HAD to do it this morning. Unfortunately, I had again slept in, and dreaded going out, much less walking. Having her along helped me ignore the heat a bit, though it pisses me off that I got home drenched while she was as cool as a cucumber. And she had just worked all night, too. It just kills me sometimes how much difference 30 years and 100 pounds makes.

It was fun with the girl. she really has become one of my favorite people in the world, and I proudly claim her. With her along, I had the nerve to walk around and look inside the empty houses for sale on my route. With her along, I couldn't help but get past my grouchy mood and laugh. the child has this goofy streak that somehow seems familiar. (Can it!) Her running up ahead and then slowing for me to catch up was very generous of her. I love her, but she really is a brat at times, and a real show off.

Once we were home, and I rested a bit, I hauled the first load of wet clothes to get dried, grabbed breakfast for all three, the boy waking, then ran back for the clothes in time for the boy to get ready and go to work.

Now, here I sit as the washer just finished its 3rd load of the day, and I really don't wanna go. I'd rather sit here and chat on FB, play games, or see what crappy mess is sitting in my e mail. But, duty calls, and, as usual, I must go.

Seems like I am always behind somewhere, and playing catch up. I need my dryer fixed, my car fixed, and the damned bills payed so that the catching up can be fun again, like visiting friends and family and just getting the hell out of this town for a day. Always trying to catch up sucks, and I have had just about enough of it.

One way, or another, something has got to change soon. It won't be smoking, cancer or the weight that takes me out.

It will be the constant stress of playing catch up that puts me 6 feet under.


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