How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Jul 20, 2013

Struggling

I haven't written much lately. It's hard to come up with anything witty or thoughtful when it feels like the world is crashing around your ears.

The husband has been given a bit of a chance to get his act together on the job. He has to keep his blood sugar down, or he is out of a truck. It's taking a toll on the family, and I am not sure how much longer I can keep going. I nag, I beg, I threaten, I promise... nothing gets through that thick head that for some reason can not see that sodas are not good for a diabetic.

The bills pile up. I could very well lose my car soon if things don't turn around.

I am putting in applications where ever I hear they are hiring. What I was led to believe was a real hiring turned out to be just more of being brushed off as the owner said no more family hiring. I have no clue what else to do.

Frankly, I am tired.

I am tired of the constant stress of worrying how the bills will get paid. I am tired of looking at the mess of my house, knowing that I am the one expected to do the cleaning as I am the only one not working. I am tired of always feeling like I have to hold it together.

I am the only reason either of my kids even speak to their father most of the time, because they are so angry with him. I am tired of being the glue. I am tired of being ignored. I am tired of feeling alone.

It would be nice to just feel someone's arms around me once in a while. It would be wonderful to have someone else say they will do things for a while and give me some peace. Most of all, it would be fabulous if someone would just take a damned chance and hire me. They would never be sorry that they did.

I need to be able to support myself and stand on my own two feet. Why the hell is it that no one will give me that chance?

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wee woman » 5 years ago

you have someone who is holding on and hugging you, even though I am not there physically I am with you. You have a sholder to cry on whenever you need it. Sometimes the stuggles we have to endure are to remind us we are human and can't do this alone. I wish I could do more for you. Just remember the door is open here.