How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Jul 27, 2013

Catching Up

The past month or so has been one of turmoil and tension that has had me stressed worse than I ever remember being. When you wake in the morning with dry heaves, something's gotta give.

Today was the first time in two weeks I didn't spend my first waking minutes retching over the trash can. The stressing issues haven't really been resolved yet, but I guess my ways of dealing with them have changed.

The husband's health issues seem to be settling, and that is a bit of a relief, but the aftermath still lingers. My kids, such troopers, are rallying around helping. They truly are the best things I have ever done with my life.

Yesterday I was too dizzy to walk, but today, I tugged up my big girl sweat pants and shoved myself out the door. I didn't bother keeping track with the time, though I am walking 2 miles in an average of 37 minutes. Today started at just a slow, steady pace. It's my time, shared with only my thoughts, and the occasional little old ladies that come out on their porches, or even out in their yards to chat a few minutes. Today, no one was about, and I could just think.

Most of the walk was just going over what I have done this week. Filling up and hauling off about 20 bags of useless crap was the high light of the week. I am very proud of that, but it's just a dent in the crap that must go.

I read somewhere that depressed folk often make their environment reflect what is going on inside their minds. Yeah, that makes sense. Now, however, since the depression, for the most part, is lifting, it's time to have some peace in my surroundings as well. It's a daunting task, and I have always been an all or nothing kind of girl, so doing nothing for years has taken it's toll.

I read somewhere that you should set small goals, and that is what I have been doing. I have almost completely reclaimed one room for the sanity team. It's a start. I am very proud of that.

As I pondered which room would be next, so much useless crap in so many rooms to choose from, I was about 3/4 of the way back home. I had almost decided where to start next when the choice flew right out of my head with a pop. Actually, the pop was in my lower back, followed by a severe pain that shot straight down the back of my right leg all the way to my toes. My back has been stiff and aching for days from the amount of bending it has done this week, but this was different.

I grabbed the nearest mail box for fear the leg was just going to collapse under me. It would take a crane to lift this big butt off the pavement. After a minute or two, the pain was tolerable. I shuffled on a bit, paying close attention to how I stepped with the right. By the time I was home, the pain was more of a ghost than the monster that popped. It's still lingering a bit, and my toes are tingling just a tad, but I get the feeling something actually went back into place, or something with that pop. Let's hope.

Anyway, I have the weekend to remember which room I decided to reclaim, and will be doing some more sifting, uncovering lost treasures, and pitching crap. The Punk expects 12 bags out the door by Monday. Not sure if that will be the number, with this latest development, but I plan to give it my best, how ever much I pitch. That, at least, is something I CAN control, when everything else is in someone else's control.

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wee woman » 5 years ago

I am so proud of you... You are finally taking control of a situation that you CAN do something about.... every bag you carry out is that much closer to creating a HOME where everyone wants to be, instead of a place to park their crap. Keep at it girl.