How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

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Brought up Nov 10, 2013

Quiet In the Chaos

The past week or so has been a hurricane of swirling emotions. That stuff I mentioned that I can't talk of involves my son. Since he is very private, I respect his wishes, but, man, is it hard to deal with it all without writing about it, at least. I have talked with the Punk and Wee Woman about it all, and it has helped. It's still hard.

When you see your child in such emotional pain, you feel so helpless. If it were a skinned knee, you can wash away the blood, put on a bandage, and then distract him until the pain fades. When they are little, it's easy, though at the time you don't think so.

Emotional pain, adult pain, is very different, especially if there is nothing you can do but wait it out.

The girl brat and I had a little escape from it all yesterday, a time to pretend we were not witnesses to the train wreck that is dominating our lives via the boy. We took a mini road trip south to Florence, Alabama, about an hour away. We listened to her music, of course, as she drove. By silent, mutual consent, we left the chaos at home.

We roamed the mall, her showing me the $100 watch she wants as her only Christmas present (YIKES!). We spent a little money we really shouldn't have, but didn't debate it. It was kind of fun to ignore the nagging, 'you need that for this bill or that' and just do it, ya know? I never do that. I can see how some can blow money on nothing now. It would be very easy to fall into that pattern, but, my old patterns are too ingrained, I hope.

I did buy something just for me, and didn't go the cheaper route. It felt good. 5 bucks on a key ring is a bit much, I guess, but the less expensive version would have broken in a few months. Besides, it's a Crimson Tide key ring!! LOL!

We also did something else I have never done. We said screw the money, and went to the Texas Steakhouse. Well worth saying screw it. $30 bucks, and we were stuffed like ticks. The best part was that the waitress told the manager it was my first time, and my fried pickles were free! Plus, he gave me a card for a free starters next visit, no date, use any time. He was a sweet guy. The food was wonderful, the service fabulous. I can not wait to go back.

I look back and realize I have been missing out on a lot of great things worrying over the cost. I need to say "SCREW IT!!" more often.

Our trip home was more of the brat's music, both of us not really looking forward to returning to our regularly scheduled programs. By request, what has become my favorite Dixie Chicks' song, both of us singing out loud with them, as we did on one we listened to a few times there and back. I feel the lyrics of both, mad as hell, and I should be the one to drive my life. Yeah, it was a good time.

We came back to the swirling drama, a little relaxed, recharged, to handle more of the same. It gave me the strength, though, to hold my son as he sobbed over his woes. That isn't easy when the kid is 6 foot 5, built like a tank, and having his heart torn to shreds.

Next time, I think I am going to take him on a mini road trip. He needs one, and I need time with my kid minus the drama.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-ounk0FNdY Dixie Chicks, "Not Ready to Make Nice"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfAh3uDXWEo Boyce Avenue covering Incubus' "Drive"

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Holly » 4 years ago

Blessings on you all and peace. Prayers surround you.