How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up May 21, 2013

The Journey Continues

Life is full of crazy twists. It is only after the struggles that clarity comes. I have spent a lot of my life moaning and groaning and WHINING, and trying to understand the twists. I am FINALLY at a place in my life where I see all I have overcome much more clearly than ever.

Those who have been walking this path on here with me, so far, thank you. You all have given me the courage to hold my head high and see the real beauty in life, not just the ugliness of what I have crawled through. Some folks don't see the forest for the trees. I finally understand that saying. It's sad that they only see bits and pieces, and not the entire picture.

I am a survivor, not a victim. I am a fighter, not one to lay down to let my past continue to kick me. Most of all, this morning, I woke up FREE. I am free of the pain of rejection, free of the desire to try to get people to like me and free from feeling just not good enough. I am me. I can be no one or nothing else. And for the first time, I think that's okay. For the first time ever, I realize that not only am I not perfect, we all know how I believe that, but frankly no one is. We all have our journeys in this life, and we only get it once. It feels good to finally have some of my burdens fall away, no matter what others may think or say. In fact, I really don't care what they think, because well, it's their opinion, and none of my business. Funny, but ya know, I really don't care. I am a survivor on the path to becoming a thrive-or, and to me, that makes all the difference in the world.

So, back to the journey...

The weight seems to finally be back on pace, 3 pounds gone this past week. I didn't walk this morning, maybe this evening after the storm passes. I am back up to my one mile, and hope to push through to add a few more blocks. The humidity sucks, but that is the reason I set the alarm for 6:30 and get my tail out there. Still, I had hoped to be farther along. The meds for my cancer, the surgery, and recovery time stuck on my tail and not walking set me back a bit. Still, I am very, very proud of how far I have come. No, I am still not ready to cough up those numbers, but 90 pounds from it is just a drop in the bucket to my final goal. I am not interested in matching some chart's idea of my ideal weight. I figure I am a better judge of that, anyway. Weird I of all people would say that, huh?

I figure the new job will be a big help. Yeah, I'll be around all that food, but to be honest, food is more fuel than comfort these days. My last binge taught me that. It will also help with the cutting back and quiting smoking, as there are only short smoke breaks. Best of all, I see it as just one more stepping stone in the journey to becoming a full fledged adult. Scary thought there. I am not sure I will ever be... but it's ok.

Comments (2)

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Connie » 4 years ago

BRAVO!!! *clapping clapping clapping* Bravo!!!

And Punk was right on...

You Go Girl!!!!!!

A Friend (AKA the punk) » 4 years ago

kbell, you have inspired many others to put the past behind, overcome the obstacles we control, ignore the ones we dont, and to journey toward a peaceful, fulfilled future. Hang on to your commitment, forgive the wrongs in the past (self-made included), set your eyes on the prize, and enjoy the ride... the journey is half the fun....