How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

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Brought up May 14, 2013

Things I Have Learned...

This needs to be titled Things My Mama Didn't Teach Me But Probably Should Have, but it's too long. I had wanted to do a Mother's Day blog, but got busy. I actually had a good one, though, spending some time with my mom and time with my kids. Time, I am discovering, is the most precious gift one can give. I was truly blessed on Mother's Day.

Anyway. I have discovered there are a few things I wish my mom had taught me. She did teach me how to do the Twist when I was about 8 or 9, but I wish she had taught me more, as she must have been a very good dancer in her youth. There are, however many skills I learned from TV, movies, and my friends that I am sure my mom knew but didn't teach me. Some, it's just as well she didn't, and its probably a good thing she doesn't know I learned them. These are random, in no particular order.

Ladies, you know after you saw Flashdance, you went home and worked on trying to smoothly remove your bra without showing anything, keeping your shirt on. It was a skill I excelled in, and am still proficient. I taught my daughter.

Those who drink, even if they no longer do, learned the hard way just how many beers or mixed drinks they could handle before they threw up or passed out. This was a skill I perfected in college. I could drink at least 3 pitchers of beer in contests, and walk home. the frat boys my friends challenged never figured that one out. We would drink for free all night as those poor jerks tried to out drink me. Many a boy was carried home by his friends as my friends and I walked back to the dorm laughing at them. Shmucks.

My mom taught me the basics of driving, but not the real rules like when it is appropriate to give the finger, if you are going to yell at someone who cuts you off, make sure the windows, yours and theirs, are up, and how to cry your way out of a ticket with two kids fighting in the back seat.

I learned to shave my legs on my own, unfortunately. I still have a scar on my ankle where I pealed, it seemed, almost to the bone and bled like a stuck pig all over the bathroom. I, uh, was trying to be sly, since my mom said I wasn't old enough. Yes, she scolded me big time for that one.

Manners, I learned most of those from TV. At our table, pretty much anything went, short of throwing things. TV taught me to put one hand in my lap, use a napkin, and to chew with my mouth closed. I guess I was born saying Yes Ma'am and No Sir, but I learned on my own to hold the door for someone older, or with their hands full. We also were born with the knowledge that older folk knew best. I have since learned this is not always the case, but still treat most folks older than me as if they do.

I still don't know how to paint my nails with out getting polish on half my skin as well, especially my toes. If someone can help me with that one, I'd be much obliged.

Makeup. Man. Okay, my step mom told me that the true skill with makeup was to look like you were not wearing any. I have more or less perfected that one on my own, but now the BFF has been teaching me that when it comes to eyes, there is no such thing as too much. I am not so sure on that one, but I am working on what she showed me on that.

Being lady like... Yikes! Skills I never learned as a tomboy. Let's face it. It's probably too late on that one. And, well, with thighs like mine, I may never learn to sit with my knees together, or to cross my legs.

The proper way to hold a cigarette... I always picture my aunt, and my mom in her younger days, learning to be smooth with that one. I have it down pat thanks to my room mates from my Freshman year of college.

Anyway, those are just a touch of the skills that I learned away from my mother's knee. I did learn a few things from her that I am not sure if she wanted me to or not, but I am grateful for them. Each mom loves her children the best way she knows how. I know that now. And each mom passes on more than 'Brush your teeth' and how to act in public.

I realize now, I have a great mom, because she let me develop my own style, how to do things my own way. I don't know if she meant to do that, but I love her dearly for it.


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