How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Jul 13, 2013

Life As I Know it

It's been a very hard week, with yesterday being like cymbals at the end. I was not this low when they told me I had cancer. I can't remember the last time I was this low. I'm not sure I can bounce back from all of this. Before, the control was in my hands, and I could fight. Now, my life is crashing in someone else's decisions. I have no control over any of it. Maybe my reaction to it all, but right now, I just can't stop crying. For now, life as I have known it is on hold, and maybe even over.

I can't really be specific about what has happened. This being public, and not really up to dealing with certain folk who will make me feel worse with their bullshit. I'm not sure I'll be writing much here for a while. I am not sure of much at all anymore.

I always though, things will get better. Life is going to be great, once I cam out of my depression, started losing weight, feeling good about myself. None of that can help now.

I'm too shaky for my walk today. I haven't eaten in 18 hours, and I'm not sure it would stay down if I tried. I think the last time I felt like this, was about 24 years ago. Chaos reigned then as well.

The Punk said yesterday, and again last night, that this could be a turning point for things to finally get better. I really hope so. I don't know, though. I won't say it can't get worse, because it very well could. I am not sure how much more I can take...

Those who pray, please do so. I am feeling that rock bottom coming ever nearer, and I bruise easily.

Wee Woman, Punk, thanks for being there yesterday and last night. It is so good to know someone cares. I love you both.

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wee woman » 5 years ago

I know we had a chat. I dont feel like I made to much of a diffrence but I want you to know that I have been where you are. It is scary place to be.. You know what I did... I put on my big girl pants and walked away. I am not telling you that is the choice you should make, because it may not be the choice for you... all I am saying is think about your options. You KNOW you have a place to go... it may be my couch but its here if you need it. Just know I am here and will support "YOUR" decision. Pray for guidance, think of choices and do what is right for YOU... Call me and Im there