How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Jan 27, 2013

GIT... Continued

Two in one day... I know, right?

Just came home from supper with the girl brat, and a swing through WM. Down side, aching. Upside, I just bought some stuff to soothe the oral fixation: Jolly Ranchers, Dum Dums, and Tootsie Rolls. (I bought the girl a bag of peanut butter cups, too.)That much sugar means Stevia for my coffee. HHHHHHH........ I am trying harder. See, the other night, I talked with the Feisty One. When I mentioned having bought cigs, she sort of chewed me out a bit. Coupled with others' disappointment in my weak will, my kids actively trying to keep me away from them, and the sudden return of congestion that was gone when I was only smoking 2 or 3 a day, it has made me truly WANT to quit. It will be hard giving up my old friend. Smoking has calmed my nerves, kept me company when I am lonely, and filled the time during bouts of insomnia. It is more difficult writing with out my cigs, but maybe the big container of candy, and the electronic thingy combined will help. I really wish there was a way to have 3 or 4 a day until I get some of the BS straightened out in my life. With out my favorite stress reliever, and still trying to get the weight off, I can not really predict what I might end up saying when I get pissed off. My temper seems to simmer just under the surface a lot these days, along with the self pity and crying jags. The Cajun told me he had a lot of the same things after his surgery, even many weeks later. I have to keep reminding myself that I am not having to face the crap he has. Still, it's comforting to know I am not some freak. The moods are normal for it all. And, according to the Cajun, my sweet, sweet friend, it takes as long as it takes. Folks' patience with me seems to be growing thin at times, and that makes the crying jags, self pity and anger worse. I can't help it. I just wish they could be inside my skin for a day. Maybe they would all be a bit more gentle with me. Even now, just writing about it, the anger and frustration makes me cry, making it even worse. I have to keep telling myself, it takes as long as it takes. I hate crying for what seems like no reason. The damned Jolly Ranchers just don't have enough green apple in the bag, damn it.

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wee woman » 5 years ago

saw a pack of just green at either Freds or Dollar General..... they also had cinnamon