How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Dec 31, 2012

The Charm of a Mongoose...

My mind has been all over the place the past few days, worse than ever. The surgery date approaches steadily, closer than I care to think. Some days, I am bright, cheery, confident... others, I am libel to rip someone's head off just like a mongoose on a cobra. You'd think the snake was the deadlier of the two, huh? Never be fooled by appearances.

The Punk has been on an extended vacation from his job, and I have missed our daily chats enormously. I have spent more time than ever having to talk myself out of crawling into the corner and going BBBBBBBBBB with my finger on my lips. I had forgotten what it was like to talk myself back from the edge on my own.

I am doing my two miles in just about 30 minutes flat. In a few days, it will be at least 2 weeks before I will be allowed to walk like that, not that i will be up to it for those two weeks. An old favorite has me keeping at it, though...

I have written several times about my love of Bon Jovi. The music has really kept me pumped walking the past few days. And I have a thing for Jon. IDK, there is just something about that little fella with hair a woman would kill for, and a voice like an angel that just makes me smile. (And vaguely, someone else fits that same description... LOL, Punk!! I swear I would kill for that head of hair!) These days, I listen to 'It's My Life' and 'We Weren't Born to Follow' and my feet quicken... Those two songs just make me grit my teeth and keep going.

One song, however has led my mind around dark corners for a very long time, and today was no exception.

'Blaze of Glory' was the favorite song of a boy I once knew. He was my son's best friend, the first he made after moving back here from Illinois. My kid was much too young to remember having lived anywhere else, and it took time for him to adjust. The boys were 11 or 12, in the 6th grade. The friend was a twin. All three boys were friends, but my kid like Daniel best. Daniel was a dazzler, and his twin a bit of a shadow, and content to be so. They played pee wee football on different teams, but it didn't bother them. The twins on one team, my kid on another in the league. My kid and Daniel quickly became joined at the hip, with the other twin sometimes with them, sometimes off with his own friends.

These twins had lost their mom when they were around 4. Their father had remarried, but their step mother was in the hospital in Memphis that fall, and the dad kept leaving the boys home alone.

That Halloween, my boy wanted to spend the night with them, but once again their dad would not be there, so I said no. Sometimes, I think my kid has still not forgiven me for that...

The boys were alone, and they lived in a heavily wooded area. They heard a noise, like someone outside. They knew where their dad kept his pistol. There was a went off. The bullet went into Daniel's eye, and his brain. The next day he was declared brain dead and taken off life support. My son came home from school, in tears as he told how they announced Daniel's death at the end of the school day. I held my child, and wept with him.

Daniels' funeral was one of the largest seen in this county. He was buried in a tiny cemetery at a tiny church out in the country. They played Daniel's favorite song at that funeral... And to this day, When I hear 'Blaze of Glory,' I see that shock of red hair, those mischievous eyes twinkling... I still carry his picture in my wallet.

A small side note: The surviving twin, Derrick, never recovered. Rumors flew that it was no accident, but I watched that boy struggle, at times dropping weight to the point of emaciation. He failed the 7th grade. Derrick was lost without Daniel for a very long time. No way it was more than an accident. He later moved to a neighboring county. It seemed to help.

A couple of weeks after he graduated from high school, Derrick was driving to work or home from work, and missed a stop sign. He died instantly when a truck hit his car. The other boy in the car with him survived.

Derrick's funeral was a fraction of his brother's turn out. Even in death, Daniel out shown his twin.

Anyway, I keep thinking these days, how fragile life is. How seemingly random. Two bright, vibrant boys die before they really have a chance to live, and some grouchy old fart, hated by all who has met him, lives to be in his 80s. I know God has his reasons... I just keep wondering what his plans are for me... I guess I'll have a better idea in a few days.


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