How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Sep 29, 2012

Mile Markers...

I thought, a few weeks ago, that when this day came, I would be dancing a jig, ready and raring to tackle the world. Instead, I have a nice stack of items to bitch and moan about. Wanna hear? Tough! If you are here, you got no choice but to listen, or pop off. Either way, I get a hit on my blog, which will cheer me a bit, considering what the next few days hold for me and those I love. I know others have it worse than me. Let them get their own place to bitch, thank you!

So, a few weeks ago, I expected to be touting how today marks the last day of one entire year of walking every day. I planned to be up beat, cheery and sweet. Screw that! The fates had other plans, I guess. I started my walk making a list of what I need to get done over the next few days. Mostly, yes Punk, laundry, gas up the car for all the running I have to do, and racking up the prayers that my blasted Micah makes it through with his still bum rotor.

There is a trip to see mom today, hoping the damned surgeon finally has time to grace her with his presence long enough to get she sorted out and back home. Funny how these big men think their time is sooooo much more valuable than yours, huh? I think mom should start keeping a tab on how many hours she has waited, and send them a bill.

Tomorrow, there's church. After church, I head over to Alabama to spend the day with my dear, sweet best friend and her family. Then the visitation for her mom is in the evening. Sorry, folks, but I only own one nice dress, so I'll be the yahoo in jeans. It sucks that I can't be presentable for my sweet friend. I'm saving the dress for the funeral on Monday, so at least I can honor my friends on that day by looking my best. It ain't much of an improvement, I know, and who gives a damn what I look like anyway, right? The truth is, I do. I was raised it was a show of respect to look your best for such things. I am trying, but I only have so much to work with.

So, walking, two miles, and running all that through my head, I was also kicking my self just a little bit for my spectacular slip last night for supper. Angus Mushroom/Swiss, medium fries, and a large REGULAR Coke. Okay, I enjoyed every morsel of it. Today, though, I feel pretty lousy about it.

As has become my habit, I checked the mail box as I was turning my sneakers back into the driveway. There was the capper. Since when does the state of Tennessee send out a notice when your driver's license needs renewing? Of all the retarded wastes of a tree!! My frigging birthday isn't for another 3 months!! I frigging know I need to renew the damned thing. I certainly didn't need them sending me a letter! What really knocks me out is it is sent from the "DEPARTMENT OF SAFETY AND HOMELAND SECURITY" just like that, in caps. Okay, go ahead, chuckle. I was slightly freaked at that. I was born here, raised here and about, have never even left the country in my life. I don't even know how to get a passport. My first thought was, it's one of those test things to see if I'm a terrorist. Okay, I only just now bothered to read the rest of the envelope. Those frigging caps threw me. Opening the thing, and seeing that it was reminding me of that nice day creeping up on me made me snort and swear in disgust. Woke the boy. Yeah, thanks, Tennessee for putting one more rock in my basket. Screw it! I'm going to get me a damned Sausage McMuffin and coffee. Maybe two. Two of which, you may ask? Hell if I know! I guess we'll see what pops out of my mouth...

There's my bitching for now. No, I don't feel better, but thanks for asking, Punk.

I am trying to steel myself for how even more lousy I am going to feel after the tears hit tomorrow. I don't want to face the fact that Jody has died. It's like a ripping in my heart to think about that. And to see the open wound so starkly on her children's faces... the idea of that has me too sad to even try describing it. So, I won't. I'm going to do my best to comfort them, but no one can really. I don't even want to imagine how they feel. I got a taste of it Wednesday night with my own mom, and there is a place I really don't want to go. I know I will someday, unless mom out lives me, which is possible as ornery as she is. But, Jody was a stubborn, ornery lady, too. God, I miss her so much already.

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