How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Nov 23, 2012

S. O. J. S. M. part Deux...

Okay, there were a few things I left out of the earlier entry that I just need to talk about. Since the Punk is enjoying a four day weekend, the BFF is probably packing for her return home, and all others are otherwise occupied and incommunicado, this is the best I got for grousing.

I had a charming chat with my little sister that has me ready to pack a few things and run as far as 10 bucks and what ever change I can scrounge together can take me.

See, this summer, my sis had that wonderful experience I am probably facing: a hysterectomy. Hers was for other reasons, not cancerous. She was giving me a few of the gory details (I shall spare you most of those) and I was hanging on her every word. She told me of not being able to actually SIT for a day or two, and how she had to basically roll out of bed. The BFF has also enlightened me a bit on some of this, so I know she isn't exaggerating. The BFF and the Feisty One, as well as Sis, all swear you get really great drugs for the pain. I am looking forward to getting legally stoned for the first time in my life. (Illegally, that's a story for another time)

I have this horrendous fear of being put to sleep and not waking up. Nothing anyone has told me so far has eased that. She told me of being wheeled into the operating room, and being moved to a table. Now, on this, my biggest fear has been having heard that one is starkers during surgery. I am extremely shy about having strangers see me in my all together as it is, so that idea has had me freaked. What she told me today has me going from cold sweat to hot flashing all over the place.

She was going on about how her doctor chewed out a nurse for opening instruments before he asked, how they were no longer sterile, blah blah blah... It was like hearing her talk through water as I only heard the beginning clearly. She said that she was moved to a table, and she put her arm out knowing it was going to be strapped down. STRAPPED DOWN?!?! As in NOT BEING ABLE TO MOVE?!?! As in TIED DOWN?!?! Dear Lord in heaven!!!!!!

I have a thing about being in control of what is done to my body. It's not something I am, well, proud of, but it is my damned body, after all! I also have a serious fear of being tied down. Don't ask, because I will not elaborate on that one.


It looks like I may have to stow away on a ship to Singapore, or something. If this is what I am facing, I'll just keep those rascally little cells who have gone off the reservation and are playing havoc with my lady parts, thank you!

Being naked in front of a room full of strangers will be humiliating to the extreme. Being put to sleep scares the hell out of me, but I have been trying to make peace with the idea. Tied down? Strapped down unable to move? Starkers? With these strangers not only seeing, but cutting out parts of me I have had since I first wiggled on this earth? I just may go ape sh.., uh, completely psycho on the whole bunch!!! I once bit a dental assistant for gouging my gums while working on my braces. Imagine what I could do to some jackass trying to tie me down to a table? It might be a VERY good idea for them to knock my a.. butt out before they even get me to the frigging hospital!

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wee woman » 5 years ago

GROW A PAIR... come on we both know that electing not to have this surgery is not an option...I TOLD YOU you should discuss with the anesthesian. He or She will be very accomidating to you... but you HAVE to discuss your fears...