How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Jul 25, 2012

Scales... Or the Evil Demon that Lurks Under My Table...

A couple of months or so ago, I finally replaced the bathroom scales. I found one of those fancy, digital jobs, fairly inexpensive. For once I was sure I was under it's poundage limit, so I figured it would be a more accurate way of keeping tabs on what the walking and less eating was doing.

A couple of weeks ago, I stepped on the thing, and it kept coming up ERROR... AAAAAGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!! Before performing Harry Carey (Ok, my Northern friends will know that is spelled right... in homage to the Great man of the Cubs) I moved it to another spot, more level. Old house, uneven floor. Turns out the thing has to be on a flat surface, and here I just knew I had gained back everything plus more. Anywho... last week I stepped on the thing before bed, and cried. I had gained 4 pounds. I have been eating like a pig, and had drank a diet soda that day. I was crushed anyway. I spent the next few days avoiding diet soda like the plague, watched what I was eating. Three days later, I stepped onto the scales...

Is it really humanly possible to lose 8 pounds in three days?????

I was stunned. Maybe the scales are messed up. There is no way that I can see to monkey with the thing. No buttons to turn. IDK. I am now terrified beyond reason of the thing. When ever I walk past it, I cross my two pointer fingers at it like one would ward off a vampire. That device is evil. It lies worse than a politician. I don't trust the thing as far as I could throw it, and it ain't all that heavy, so that would be far if I made like a frisbee with it.

It calls to me. It whispers every time I look at it, but don't step on it. I know if I step on the thing, it will burst out in evil laughter and yell 'Gotcha.' If I had a sledge hammer, I would make tiny slivers out of it, grains of sand, maybe even dust...

The moral of my little tale is this: Diet Soda is full of sodium that will make a poor blubberbutt like moi hold gallons of water weight. Also, keep up with the numbers if you so choose, but it's best to watch the bod instead. I may have only lost 81 pounds according to the that friggin' lyin' piece of techno garbage, but, my clothes are loose, the skin continues to get wrinkly and saggy but the sagging bits have a lot less inside, and are actually shrinking slightly. Well, except for two certain parts of the anatomy that I swear have suddenly become less wrinkled... now that is creepy. They tell us that those will shrink with age, to many women's disgust (not to mention their men's). I have read, and had pointed out that getting healthy can turn back the clock a bit, and reverse a little bit of the aging process. I think I would prefer that my butt were lifted a bit, not the front filling back out. It just doesn't seem natural. Anyway, I am still avoiding the siren's call of that blasted contraption... but my resolve grows weaker... It had better watch what it says, or I will be on the hunt for that damned hammer!

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Punk » 6 years ago

I have a 10lb Sledge you can borrow....