How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Jul 16, 2012

Feeding the Soul

The Punk and I were just talking about something that has me doing some thinking. He's ducked out for lunch and face time with his youngest, so I figured what the heck, continue the convo here.

When I was a little girl, I loved going to church. I loved the music, napped during the sermons, and smiled sweetly when people pinched my cheek. In my teens, church became a bit of a chore, but also a haven, a place to hide away in safety for a few hours. Then, as a young mother, it became a real hassle to get kids ready, get everyone out the door and there on time. We sort of drifted away from it as my depression deepened. I missed it, but it just didn't seem worth the work. When my kids grew older, we started going more often, but to be honest, my heart wasn't really in it. I didn't think anyone was listening to my prayers, and I drifted from even that. It got to a point where the only time I made a real effort to try getting to church was for Christmas Eve. If we went, then we went, if not, no big deal.

The past few years, when I wasn't actually able to go due to being trans deprived, I grew to miss church. I started feeling like Someone MIGHT be listening. I wanted to be where I really sometimes felt Him. Most of all, I missed the comfort I felt with the familiar, the unchanging in the middle of so many changes. Life is so full of that right now, I needed something more anchoring. Now, I am back to going fairly regularly, and making an effort to get there with out it being a chore. I told the Punk earlier that I find it a blessing. I feel like as I am growing and becoming more the person I was meant to be, I am feeding my soul as well now. It's a great feeling... Try it some time.


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