How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

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Brought up Jun 16, 2012

Hoofin Notes... Losses and the Marks They Leave...

This is the longest I have gone between entries. I even had a little trouble remembering my pass word!

As I walked today, I was a bit somber. I should be very happy, and I am, but that is for another entry, maybe tomorrow's if I get to it. This morning had me thinking of how my family is strong, and why. My brother, sister and I are all tough cookies, in our ways, but we all three have something more in common than our mom. All three of us know the loss of a child.

My loss has been through miscarriage. I've lost three: two between my son and daughter, and one after. That one would have been 14 this year. I am grateful, and thank God daily, for the two glorious souls he intrusted to me, but the others were desperately wanted as well. There are days I still grieve for them. I never got to hold them, never smelled their hair, watched them sleep.

My brother and his first wife were expecting twins. In about the fifth or sixth month of the pregnancy, those two little boys some how wrapped their cords around each other, strangling each other. It was a horrendous loss that led to the end of the marriage. Again, little ones who were never cuddled, never had a chance.

My sister's is the worst. It's a fairly long story, one I have written, and may share one day, but not today. On December 27th, 1994, my sister's beautiful little 2 month old daughter left us. that was a baby that did get cuddled, I even fed her the next to last bottle she would have. She was a darling.

we all three love the children we have, but the loss of those that flitted in and out of our lives left their marks. I see it in my brother's face as he watches his grand son. I see it in my sister's as she watches another mother cuddle her tiny one. I'm sure anyone who knows me can say the same. There is nothing worse than losing a child. A friend's sister lost a daughter in a car accident a couple of years ago, and still grieves. Is her loss any different? I don't think so. No matter how long a child is in our life, when their light is snuffed out, it takes a piece of our hearts with it. Maybe that's why God made our emotional hearts expandable. Our hearts have to grow big to make up for those fragments that go with those we lose. I think the growth comes from the love they leave behind.


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