How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

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Brought up Aug 25, 2012

Father Figures

Something that really burns my butt are these men who have little or no contact with their kids. I watch my son's friends as a few of them father children and feel for those little ones. Some will have wonderful daddies to turn to for hugs and kisses all their lives, and some will have to find that nurturing elsewhere. It breaks my heart, that second group. I know that feeling all to well.

My dad left my mom before I was born, though they didn't divorce until I was about 6 months old or so. For 17 years, he never provided even the court ordered child support, and I never set eyes on him that I can recall. I had wonderful uncles, but it just isn't the same. I had a step father who was far from what I needed. Though I called him daddy, he was far from what I have decided that title represents. When I was in my 20s with a child of my own, my mom married a wonderful man. I wish he had come into our lives sooner. He was a good father to his children, and the three of us, as well as a fabulous grand father. We all still miss him greatly.

At 17, a difficult age anyway, my world turned upside down. I went to live with my father. It was nothing like I needed or wanted. It was too late for the nurturing I so greatly needed, at least for him, anyway. I moved out of his house rather continue to try and make him love me. He never did. he was not there for my high school graduation, though he lived in the same place, and his other kids attended the same school as I. He was not there in my college years, though I worked with my step mother on school breaks. He was not there when I married, or for the birth of my children. He met my son once, my daughter twice, at funerals. When he died, no one told me until the day after he was buried, and I wasn't even included in his obituary. It was as if he and 'his' family tried to erase me.

Children need their dads, or some positive male force in their lives, but I think girls especially need that. I have watched my own daughter and her dad struggle and cried. My husband being on the road makes it difficult to be home for those little things when a girl needs her daddy, but he does try. He is home for the big things: graduations, Christmas, birthdays, sometimes. There is a distance there, though, and not just because of his physical absence. It isn't all his fault. His dad was a distant, though physically present, force in his life as well. But at least my husband still tries.

One of the things I admire about the Punk is his relationship with his daughters. He is a true example of a good father. He is their 'go to' guy, and is a powerful, nurturing influence in their lives even now that the youngest is in college. He traveled a lot with his work when they were young, but he still made time for them when possible. It truly made a difference. There is a bond there that I sometimes envy. I have never known that bond, but even now I crave it. I think sometimes that I get along better with men than women because I am still searching for that fatherly love I never knew.

So, as I watch these young men becoming fathers, many with out the benefit of a stable relationship with the mothers, I weep for those children, but especially for the little girls. Girls come into this world with enough pressure from society, the media, and other forces. They need daddies that are going to love them, cherish them, protect them, and teach them that they have worth. Otherwise, they may be facing 50, and still struggling, searching for someone to prove to them that they are precious and loved in a way only a daddy do.


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