How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Apr 27, 2012

Life is Strange.

I was reading tonight, when I recieved a text message. I didn't recognize the number, but that's nothing new, since if the number isn't in my phone with a name, I wouldn't know it anyway. It was a wrong number. The one that was to recieve it has a son with a possible blood clot on the brain, and her husband's sister was killed in an auto accident this week. I said a prayer, and let the sender know that it was a wrong number, but that I was praying for his/her friends. I recieved such a heart felt reply that I told the person I was adding his/her friends to the online list of a prayer group to which I belong. I then recieved another text thanking me, and asking for prayer for more family. In one of the texts, the person called me, "one of God's wonderful children..."

I spent this afternoon talking with the Punk, doubting my own worth, which I do frequently, sobbing over the same old crap that has plagued my life for 40 years... Angry with God for allowing things to happen to a defenseless child... even hating Him for not giving me some sort of explaination of why I am still alive when so many others go through what I did, and die, either as a direct result, or by their own hand because of it all. I tried to eat my way to an early grave, I guess. It isn't quite the same, and I am trying to reverse it. I am trying to reclaim some of my future, wanting to live... and wondering why I bother.

It isn't really an answer, but I think I got those texts as sort of a hint that Someone is listening, and the answers I seek will come. I just need to keep listening.

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