How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Apr 7, 2012


I have two best friends, outside my family, and one who is sort of an honorable mention. All three of these people originally came into my life the same year. That's a little weird, especially since all four of us were eight years old, more or less. That was a very long time ago...40 years. They were in my life during those formative years. Two of them were instrumental in keeping me sane, and maybe even alive during that time. That's why I call them chosen family.

One of these people has been in my life the majority of those 40 years. We have had children around the same time, struggled with similar issues.(The other drifted back into my life last year. The wild thing is we have children of similar ages, and some of the same issues, too.) We have been there for each other when no one else has. We know that no matter what time, if it is at all possible, one will drop everything and go to the other. Yesterday was one of those days.

My friend lost her dad just a few weeks after I lost my stepdad. Her family has been through hell... and now they are gearing up for another pass through the flames. Her mom was diagnosed with cancer yesterday morning. I love her family like my own. I am aching for my friends. When she called me and told me the news, I swore worse than a sailor. I cried with her over the phone. And I knew come hell or high water, I was going to be with her. When I got there, she hugged me. She looked so tiny, frail, and beaten; exhausted. I hate hospitals. I've just seen too many of them in the past years.

I visited with her, her mom, her sister, brother and sister in law. At one point she needed to take her sister home, and I road along. Instead of going straight back to the hospital, we went to a park. It's one we visited as children, with our class. There have been changes, but for the most part it was almost like being a kid again. The last time I was in that park, I was with her as well, both of us with our first borns in strollers. We walked around, took a few pictures, chatted about nonesense. We sat and watched the little water/light/music show the park does at nightfall.

I let her talk. At one point she put her head on my shoulder. I held her as she wept. I joined her. This is the kind of pain that must be shared or it shatters you inside. To see her so fragile is devestating for me. Part of me believes that the changes I have made in myself have made me stronger so that, for once, I can be her strength, her shoulder to lean on. Oh, how I ache for my friend, my sister from another gene pool. Selfishly, I guess, I ache for myself as well. I feel like bits and pieces of the good things in my life are being torn from me. We are all mortal, and eventually return to the one who made us... but damn it why does it have to hurt so much?


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