How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Mar 7, 2012

My Ramblings on Faith...

Thanks, Holly. We all need prayers and hugs! Yours are appreciated more than I can express, my sweet friend.

And, annonymous, as I know who you are(LOL!!) don't you think using the A word is pointless? Just use one of my many nicknames for ya! hehe

I really do appreciate all the comments that I get on here. They encourage me and let me have a bit of feedback on what 'works' and what doesn't.

There are so many things going on in my life right now, it's difficult to choose a topic to write about most days. Perhaps, that is a topic to explore in its self some time, but not tonight.

Anyone who knows me, and you know who you are, knows a bit about how important my faith is to me. Or you might think you do. Most are probably a little off the mark, how ever. There was a time I seriously thought of becoming an Episcopal nun, because I wanted to serve my Lord in the best way possible. Things didn't quite go as planned, and I sometimes wonder which zig should have been a zag.

I have explored many different denominations in my life, and it was in an Episcopal church that I first truly felt at home. It was also, while sitting all alone, that I realized I wasn't alone. I felt a warm embracing presence that has never completely left me. I was 18, and struggling with so many issues in my life, too many for my young shoulders to carry. I wasn't praying, exactly. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, where I was going to live, or if I had much of a future at all. I felt so lost and alone in the world. And suddenly, though no one entered the room, I realized I never really had been alone. I struggle daily with so many issues having to do with religion, but my faith that there is a Supreme Being has never wavered from that moment. I sometimes wonder why He/She/It would bother with the likes of me. I am, after all, just one of millions crawling around on this planet. And yet, usually when i feel my lowest, I feel that warm embrace again. I know I will be alright, no matter what turn my path takes. I know as long as I keep listening, the answers will come.

There are times I get down right angry with God, because I am the type of person who wants things done yesterday. Those are the times I have to shake myself, and remind myself that my Lord has His/Her own agenda, plans, and time table. It isn't my place to question it, but I do, daily. I want to know where I am going. I need to know which forks in the road I should take. The problem is, when I am impatiently jumping up and down, I'm not listening very well. It usually takes for me to fall on my face, or hit a wall repeatedly. Once that happens, and I am finally voiceless from screaming and crying, I hear that whisper, feel that love I felt that first time, and I know, it's going to be alright.

I believe that it doesn't matter what name one uses. I think God, for want of a better word, cares for all, and embraces all who truly, honestly believe. I sometimes begin my prayers with, Yo, hey You, Big Guy or Gal.The Jewish Rabbi, The Goddess, Jehovah, Yaweh, Allah, The Big Kahoona, or just Hey You, Who Ever Is Listening, what ever one wishes. You know what? There are times I swear I hear a soft chuckle. Yeah, the Supreme Being has a sense of humor. I mean, one of the first things a baby does is laugh. I think it is more memory then learned. And He/She put me on this planet, let me loose on the unsuspecting world around me. That too, is proof that our Creator has a sense of humor. Frankly, I think it is also slightly twisted... No wonder I love Him/Her/It so much.

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