How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Feb 24, 2012

Running On Empty

Thanks Punk. We'll see. Connie, you are too sweet.

Today was one of those days when I would normally be in a pretty nasty mood. A lot of things keep my mind occupied lately, and I usually reach for my pillow, throw the covers over my head, and wait for it to pass. Today, the feeling passed as it has a lot lately, not with wallowing but with laughter and soul searching.

The changes that are taking place in my body and mind are so unpredictable. It's confusing, annoying, and above all frustrating. They go from being silly to bawling like a two year old, from being all wise and knowing to feeling like a complete idiot.

No one tells you that when menapause kicks in, you get to keep the worst parts of the cycle. Or that they come roaring around at anytime they feel like it. And they bring with them those fabulous flashes of unbearable heat rushing over you.

I have no earthly clue if the moods and everything else are normal, go with getting old, the weight loss and diet, or what. The sad thing is those I love most get blungeoned with it all. I finally get the meaning behind the song with the same title as above. I am "running on empty, running blind." I sometimes feel like I am stumbling in a darkness so thick I can't see my hand before my face until I smack myself on the nose, or someone else does.

Thank goodness for those who care for me then. They are the ones who push, pull and drag me, kicking and screaming back from the brink. They always have, but lately it's really a thankless job, with murky benefits. My poor kids get a lot of it, but they are just that, kids. Enter my darling friends who point out the good, the bad and the ugly just as bluntly, or as gently as I need. They are family from other blood lines, and I thank God for them every day.

So, the darkness starts clearing, the sun shines, and I make it one more day. I understand more about myself and the world around me every day, and I understand that there is just so much more I want to know. Life truly is a journey, and the road is full of speed bumps, pot holes, and those freakin hairpin turns... but boy, are those straight aways coming more often... and to be honest, some of the curves are fun to manuver.

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Connie » 6 years ago

Let me start by saying, "The Change of Life SUCKS!" Dismiss the women that tell you, "It was a breeze." They are lairs or insane. You must deal with it by an hour at a time. Some people may die, but you will live through it, but just. It takes years by the way. Watch Fried Green Tomatoes and Steel Magnolias....seems to fit the mood. Good luck, I'm here!