How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Feb 1, 2012

Snap Shots of Time Long Ago...

I recieved a letter in the mail, the old fashioned way, (ha) from an old friend. She sent me a couple of pictures of the two of us, and another friend, taken the night of our high school graduation. 3 very young 18 year old girls with their lives just starting. (Actually, the other two had turned 19, I was the only 18 yr old) I have one of the shots leaned against my PC screen as I write this. It's so hard to believe that girl is me, all fresh faced, trying her best to hide her braces, and doing her utmost to not be a downer. It was a night of drama, and would have been much worse if I hadn't left soon after the shot was taken. But that isn't what I wanted to write about.

Those three girls would go their seperate ways not long after that night. One, who was our foreign exchange student, would go home to Mexico, and we would not hear from her again. The other would marry the guy she had dated off and on during high school, have two kids with him, and divorce him for his constant infidelities. The third is me. I would work a year, then go to college for three and a half years... the best and worst years of my life...

The second girl and I have just recently found each other again, after 24 years. And it is as if we were never out of touch. We laugh at the same things, cry at the same things, and still think of each other as sisters. I have two of those 'sisters from other mothers' now, that know me better than I know myself sometimes. This one can tell by the sound of my voice what I am really feeling. It's errie how she can still catch me when I am denying or covering up my feelings. She always was like that. And I still love her and hate her for it! I love her dearly, because I don't have to put into words what I'm feeling. She just knows, and lets me know she knows. I hate her for it because, like always, she calls me out on my crap. She makes me look at myself in ways I don't want to see, listen to myself for things I don't want to hear. I wish she was wrong on the latest she called me on... but she's not. And I haven't the faintest clue what to do about it. Ignore it and pray it goes away sounds like my best option, for now.

Looking at that photo, I realize, I love all three girls in it. Yes, I have really learned to love myself...

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Connie » 6 years ago

I love you love yourself. . .