How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Feb 4, 2012


An acquaintance of mine died today. I would have liked to call her my friend, but, I had to have my daughter remind me of the lady's name. I knew her simply as Cokie and Clint's mom. This was a lady I sat with at ball games, and talked with occasionally as our daughters are coworkers and friends. Her name was Beverly, known to all as Bev.

Bev and I have known each other for several years, as our daughters have known each other for so long. Bev and I had a lot in common. We liked the same music, are known by most because of our children. Many refer to me simply as the mom of my kids.

Bev and I had another thing in common: Childhood abuse. She once told me of hers, and I told her a little bit about mine. Just a little, though, because it is something I have difficulty talking about.

In our younger years, we both handled our pasts in similar ways... numbing the pain the best way we could find. I stopped most of the self abusive things with help, but Bev wasn't so lucky. Bev struggled with alcohol and drugs for as long as I have known her, always saying she was going to quit, trying, and failing. The struggle weakened her body. Today, her heart simply gave out.

I will miss Bev. What really has me sad, though, are the missed opportunities. This past summer, Kansas played in out small town, opening a yearly weekend of music to raise money for cancer research. I had no one to go with me because both my kids think it's 'old stuff' (though they know the words to all the songs), and my husband was on the road. I could have called Bev. We would have had a great time. I think of all the things like that, when I didn't do something because I don't like doing them alone, things I could have done, if I had called Bev. I realize, I have other 'acquaintances' that I can call, or contact on Facebook. I have several near me.

Of course, there are those who will say, well, Bev didn't call you either. True, but it is also true of the others. I now realize, they may be like me, expecting the other to make contact. I have decided tonight, perhaps I will do just that, make the first move. I will start reaching out more, and in the process doing even more things.

Maybe, the next time, I will be able to say, this was my friend... not an acquaintance.


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