How Did I Get Here, And Where Is The Next Turn?

Greetings and salutations to all who deem this worthy of your time...

Brought up Feb 18, 2016

Joy and Sorrow...

This had been such a good week, over all, until last night.

I got to spend a lot of time with the little guy, watching him 2 days in a row, and even taking him to see my mom with the Girl Brat. The GB even made me chocolate covered strawberries, the only thing I got for Valentine's. Still, it was nice.

Last night, I spent more time with the little fella. He has such personality and humor. He's wacky.

When I got home, I booted up this pc, not thinking about much but farming on my game and maybe getting to bed early. Been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately.

I had forgotten a message I sent to someone a while ago, and was surprised at first to see an answer from her.

The news she gave me was devastating.

See, I had this friend from church, Connie, that I had not heard from in quite a while. The person I sent a message to was a dear friend of hers, and I was wondering how our friend was doing.

The last news I had about her was not from her, but from another friend who told me that Connie's husband had passed away from the cancer he had been fighting for a while.

Last night, I learned that Connie had passed away...

Weeks before her husband.

I spent the rest of the time I was awake wracking my brain last night.

Had I known Connie had passed?

Had I some how forgotten?

October 25, 2014...

Was it possible that I had gotten so wrapped up in myself, so self absorbed, that it had simply slipped my mind?

And, what kind of friend goes for over a year with out even checking on someone, unless they did know they were gone and had simply let the news slip away?

I continued to berate myself in this manner, even in my sleep, I guess, considering I woke feeling even worse.

At work, I was on edge.

I was so angry with myself, convinced that I was such an awful person, no one should come near me for fear of being ripped to sheds.

I had an idea.

It came to me at work that I remembered sending Connie a message when her husband died.

Now, if I had known Connie was gone, would I have done that?

Maybe that memory was just a way of denying...

I got home a little while ago, and went straight to Facebook.

If there was no message, then I was really scum.

There was a message...

"Connie, darling, I am so sorry about Larry. I just now saw where your friend Patty posted a comment. I have been so wrapped up in my own mini dramas, I just noticed you missing. I wish I had known sooner. My heart breaks for you, honey. I will be praying for you all. Call me if you want, or message me here when you can so I know how you are doing. Love you."

So, now, with tears in my eyes, I am reeling at this news.

But, what kind of person doesn't check up on their friends more often?

It's as if my sweet friend died last night.

I miss her, and have missed her chats, but thought she was just grieving hard, as many I know are.

Now, I see that it is I who is grieving.

I have to try harder to be a better friend to those I love...

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